Once Upon A Freakin' Time
by Olive Tree Hugger
Summary: Being rewritten.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1: Mulan**_

_**Note: This is one of my favorite Disney movies, but I wanted it to be about the hot Asian general and a tiny, submissive female recruit. If you guys want a sequel, I will write it, but I wanted to publish this first.**_

The sound of groans and thuds filled Jac's ears and made her shudder. Clenching her eyes shut in anxiety, she realized she was absolutely doomed! She _knew_ she shouldn't have come to the training camp! She truly regretted stealing her father's best horse and armor. She mentally kicked herself for lying to the General and Emperor's advisors and telling them she was really a man.

Sweaty men, oversized weapons and painful bruises were not part of the little albino girl's plans. Watching General Young shake up every other recruit and knowing she was next in line- oh, _God_, she knew she'd made a mistake! SH*T SH*T SH*T!

She turned around, trying to leave, when an obese recruit's belly stopped her, flinging her back a few inches. She was tiny, but that didn't make a difference. She crashed into the man in front of her, who then proceeded to knock down the recruit in front of him. And so on, and so on. It was like dominoes.

General Young wasn't amused. His deep gold eyes scanned the field. All of the would-be soldiers lay grunting and cussing on the ground. The only one who stood was Jac, that scrawny, worthless little worm that looked like he couldn't even pick up a piece of paper, let alone face the Huns.

"Jac!" He barked.

The puny albino screeched and flinched in response.

General Young sighed, massaging his temple with a large hand. "What did you do this time, Jac?"

"N-n-nothing! I just bumped i-i-into someone…" Jac answered, still hunched in on herself.

Dojo, the Emperor's head advisor scoffed. Jotting down something in his papyrus pad, he muttered, "The Head General will_ love_ this. The little pig-headed bitch and his bastard son."

General Young, losing his patience, turned to the snobby male and snapped, "Fool, keep your mouth shut!"

Dojo complied.

Turning back to the recruits, who'd now lined themselves up in a disorderly fashion, trying to stand as straight as possible, he smirked.

"Thanks to your friend Jac, each of you will have to complete a rigorous course I've set up and _actually had trouble_ finishing. If you finish, you will do it again. You will continue until sunset. Start soon, it's going to be a hot day."

All the men looked at their small counterpart, who wrapped her arms around herself and smiled rather nervously at them. She tried to laugh it off, but in her head, she thought, "I'm so dead."

But before anyone could pound her chest cavity in, General Young snapped, "Jac! You will come with me."

She replied, "Yes!" gratefully and hurried toward his leaving figure.

"F*cking Teacher's pet!" The soldiers yelled after her.

They entered General Young's private tent, a tall and proud yellow abode almost a mile away from the training grounds. Jac was happy to get away from the other recruits, but seeing that it was only her and the tall General in the tent, she realized now no one could hear her muffled screams if he tried to rape and kill her from fifteen different positions.

"Now, Jac, about your performance so far…" He murmured, looking quite dark. He went to the corner and pulled out a small dagger.

At the sight of the knife, Jac wondered how far she would get if she tried to escape the tent.

"Uh, General Young? Why do you have a knife?" She questioned.

The male placed the dagger at her collarbone. "Call me Chase." He muttered, before slicing downwards.

Jac screamed, waiting for the sharp edge to rip through her skin. Instead, she looked down and realized he'd sliced her green gi to reveal an ample cleavage and a tiny waist.

"Damn…" He breathed.

She gasped and hurriedly tried to cover her breasts, "P-p-please!" She wailed, "Don't kill me! I'll do anything! I just wanted to save my father! Please don't dishonor us!"

Suddenly, a small smile tugged at the edge of the General's mouth.

"Anything, you say?"

Jac tensed, scared of his smile and gravelly voice.

"Oh, don't be scared. I'll tell your father you came to marry a prominent member of society- myself." He cooed, reaching for her.

"Marry?"

"Would you rather I screw your brains out so violently you bleed to death so I can discard you and your severed head in a nearby trench?

She squeaked in fear.

"I didn't think so," he said with a smug grin, putting a finger below her chin, "Now give your _husband_ a kiss."

**So that was Mulan. I hope it was enjoyable. I'm going to do Robin Hood, Tangled, Beauty and the Beast, Hercules and The Little Mermaid as well. If you guys have suggestions I'll gladly take them. Thanks and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Tangled**

**This is also one of my favorite movies. I had a crush on Flynn Rider, oops, I mean EUGENE Fitzherbert. Anyways, enjoy!**

Jack trudged about in his dusty old tower, his long hair stretching far beyond his feet and across the stone floor. Sighing exasperatedly, he flopped onto the hard ledge of the window sill.

Peering out into the cruel world, so lush and perfect and _out of reach_, a lump formed seized in his throat and tears invaded his red eyes. He snorted, suddenly, scoffing at his own inability to be mature about the current situation he was in.

* * *

_"But-Wuya!" Jack wailed at the witch._

_"Quiet! In this tower you call me 'MOTHER!'" The witch shouted back, ignoring the boy's growling response. Jack gritted his teeth._

_"You aren't even my real mother!" The young man retorted, "And you can't keep telling me what to do! I'll be eighteen tomorrow, and for my birth day I want outs of this wretched place!"_

_He didn't expect do get a good smack on the face. He winced at the feeling of the witch's calloused, bony palm braze across his pale cheek. He groaned and rubbed the area affectionately. _

_"You horrid little runt." The witch spat. "I took you in when the rest of the world couldn't even look your way, you freak of nature!"_

_The jab at his condition made Jack recoil in pain._

_It wasn't his fault he was an albino! He didn't understand why people had to react in such an unforgiving, unkind manner, because of it. Whenever Wuya made those comments, Jack's whole life force plunged itself deep into the dark abyss of his self-confidence. _

_Wuya smirked, smug as usual. Then she flipped a few strands of fiery red locks away from her shoulder. She rubbed her collarbone, now speaking in a grossly seductive voice. _

_"Now, dearie, I'm feeling a little tense. How about one of those….' Massages'?"_

_Jack grimaced in horror. Every time Wuya requested a "massage", it turned into Wuya pinning him down underneath her old sagging skeleton-like body and sticking her fingers in places she really had no right to._

_Jack fought off his captor as best he could but with no avail. So, he could barely claw and bite before being dragged off, kicking and screaming. _

_And into his molester's arms he fell, sobbing quietly._

* * *

The albino watched the world outside the tower hustle. The birds were flying back from the South, ready for spring, the frost that once covered the evergreens around them thawed out and showed brilliant dark green needles.

Some were so enchanting he wanted to reach out and touch them. But he couldn't, Jack knew if he tried to surpass that window sill he would surely fall, plummeting to his death. He really, really didn't want that.

Of course, he thought about tying his extremely long hair onto the old bell hook attached to the top of the window's brick masonry, but it was old and weak.

_Once as a young boy, about nine years old, Jack tried to wander off and go adventuring. His hair was about seven feet long; not nearly long enough to give him a safe ride down the seventy foot tower, but that didn't occur to him. So while Wuya went out to run "magical" errands, as she called them, Jack tied a strand of his hair to the rusty hook and leaped out._

_He screeched in excitement, for about two seconds before he heard a quick snap and felt a jolt of pain in his head. The joy ride stopped and the nightmare soon began._

_The boy fell many feet before he caught hold of a brick jutting out of the rock wall. He clung there, crying ashamedly, until Wuya returned half an hour later._

_He got such a beating that day. _

And that's why Jack never could attempt it again. He would neither risk a beating or humiliating defeat or death.

He sighed, lacing his fingers through of the red locks.

Suddenly, he saw a shadowy figure moving between the trees. This intrigued Jack. The figure was too tall and muscular to be Wuya. The mystery body appeared closer to the tower no sooner than jack registered that it was a man began climbing the tower, making Jack shake with fear. He gasped, closed the swinging doors of the window and ran to hide.

Within minutes, Jack saw a muscular, scruffy looking man jump in through the window. This man dusted himself off and cleared his throat before looking subtly out the window.

Jack studied him from the dark corner he hid in.

He was handsome, no, rugged. He had long, waist length black hair. His creamy skin indicated he was probably no more than twenty five, if that. His eyes were stunningly cool, golden and slit. His clothing consisted of a deep, navy blue vest, a white silk chemise underneath, grey fitting slacks and black shin height fishing boots.

He was hot.

Jack didn't realize it, but he sighed longingly. The stranger heard this, spinning around abruptly and whipping out a small dagger.

"Who's there?" He called.

Jack reluctantly stepped out of the dark.

The man's brows shot up at the sight as the pretty young male stepping out before him. He was extremely pale, with a slim and wiry frame. He was dressed in an old red vest and black slacks, coupled with grey socks. He had himself wrapped in a thin, patchy blanket. But the thing that truly intrigued him was the obscenely long red hair, much longer than his. A lot longer, at least fifty feet long.

"Who are you?" The red haired one asked, shakily.

The other, older male stood straight now, "I am Chase Young, and may I ask who you are?"

The boy pursed his lips, "I'm Jack."

"Okay, Jack," the man continued, "Would you tell me where I am exactly?"

"Oh, uhm…" Jack started, "This is… my home?"

"Oh." Chase observed, looking around. He couldn't really believe this was a man's home. It was filled with all sort of vases, flowers, and girly do-hickies. "This is yours?"

Jack, seeming to realize Chase's thoughts, quickly explained, "And my …Mother's."

Chase nodded in understanding and began to walk around, drinking in his surroundings.

Jack feared the man would get too close so he picked up the first thing he could find; a greasy old frying pan.

He held it up over his head and threatened, "Hold on, buddy. I didn't say you were off the hook. Why are you in my tower?"

Chase held up his hands. "Alright. No need to be snippy. I'm here because I was escaping prison."

Jack gasped, letting out a pretty feminine shriek out too, "You're a…a convict?" He pointed the frying pan at the man, taking a few steps back.

Chase shrugged, "I suppose. I was wrongfully imprisoned. All I did was take a few….unwanted items." He said with a smirk.

Jack saw the mischief in that grin. "Like what?"

Chase's smirk grew wider. "A few tiaras, a bejeweled crown, some pendants and the Queen's diamond earrings."

Jack's eyes bulged, "And that's your definition of 'unwanted'? You've got issues, dude."

Chase scoffed, "They were discarded on little pillows, ready for anyone to just snatch. Things that valuable should be hidden away in a safe place."

The young man thought this over, "Got me there. So you're running away from the authorities and you just decided to come hide in a tower?"

Chase leaned against the wall, "I suppose that's the gist of it, yes."

A saccharine, sickly sweet voice suddenly sounded from the ground below.

"Jaaaaaaacckkkkieeeee." It called. "Let down your haaaaiiiirrr…"

Jack froze, "Oh sh*t, sh*t! It's Wuya!" He whispered, his nerves high strung.

"Who's Wuya?" Chase asked, confused.

"She's my…" Jack started, "mom." He shuddered, hating the sound of how that came out.

Chase raised an eyebrow, "Doesn't sound like you're excited to see her." He observed.

Another call, "Jack! I'm not getting any younger here!"

Jack hurried to the edge of the window and tossed his hair out the window.

'So _that's_ what his hair's for…' Chase mused.

Jack explained further, "Wuya isn't really my mom. She took me in as a kid and she raised me here. She's never let me outside before and she…abuses me."

He began tugging at his hair, looking very labored as he pulled his captor up.

"Go hide in the closet or something!" Jack snapped at Chase. Chase rushed to a wardrobe in the corner of the room and hid between the clothing. Within moments, Wuya appeared through the window and she sighed. "My goodness, Jack, why must you always take so long?"

Jack shrugged, "I-I-I was just…tired?" He cleared his throat nervously.

Wuya suddenly sniffed the air and her eyes narrowed, "You little whore." She seethed, "I smell the scent of a man in here."

She gripped Jack by his hair and started dragging him towards her bed room. "If you thought I was rough on you then, you were dead wrong."

Jack started shouting, "No! No! Not again, please!"

Wuya was about to make a very rude, crude comment when she felt someone tap her shoulder. Looking over, she caught the sight of a beautiful man who then brought a frying pan HARD over her head.

The witch crumpled in a heavy heap on the ground, releasing Jack from her death grip.

Jack rubbed his sore head, saying, "Thanks, Chase."

Chase tipped his head to the side, "We should dispose of this waste of flesh."

Jack readily agreed. "Yeah, we should."

* * *

Wuya woke up falling. Looking down, she realized she was about to hit the ground, but she didn't.

Instead, the witch stopped just inches above the ground, a thick lock of bright red hair tied around her neck like a noose, suffocating her. Atop the tower, watching her tortured last moments were Jack and Chase. Jack playfully punched Chase's arm, "Thanks, Chase. She was a total bitch."

Chase nodded towards him, "She had no right to touch you, Jack. She deserved this."

Jack sighed, "Yeah, now maybe I can finally get out of this damn tower and get a life!"

The older male chuckled softly, "Would you mind if I joined you out there?"

Jack smiled, "Sure. You can be my bodyguard." Chase smiled inwardly as Jack inched closer to him and settled his head on his shoulder.

The two watched as the sun set, the wind playing with the dangling corpse at the bottom of the accursed tower.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- Hercules (another one of my faves)**

"But, father, how can I come back to Olympus? I've tried so hard to train, nothing works! I'm as weak as a mortal could ever be!" The young man whined, staring up at the enornous marble statue of his father Zeus.

As usual, a streak of lightning went off in the distance and a brush of wind up his spine made him shiver violently, but never did the god reply outright to him.

Jack rolled his eyes at the statue of his father.

"Yeah. Rumble, rumble. Effin' Olymptard..." He murmured angrily, stomping out of the Temple of Zeus.

He growled and grumbled to himself as he paced around the landscaping. Two years of incessant training with his obnoxious Kung Fu master Dojo and failing miserably in trying to court Lady Kimiko just turned Jack off.

He'd grown up mortal, left by the gods because he was too pale and weak! He tried his best to appeal to the inhabitants of Olympus he saved kittens from trees, fed poor kids, tried to be heroic...but he could never gather much physical strength. His physique didn't allow him to do so. He was very tall, thin, wiry, and bony. The most two years of training could do was thicken the muscle in his back and elongate the ones in his arms.

He had no developed pecs, abs, glutes or large biceps to show for his effort. He hated that. He hated that he couldn't get recognition from his own dad, he hated that neighbor kids always threw discs at him and called him "Dorkules", he hated feeling helpless.

Some son of a god.

Suddenly, a wisp of greyish green smoke developed around him. The smoke materialized into a large and formidable man only those with a death sentance ever saw.

Hades.

God of Hell. Jack opened his mouth to scream; only to find that his throat was choked up.

He didn't make a sound. Oh GODS I'm gonna friggin' die! He thought. The dark being smiled at him. He was frighteningly beautiful.

He had the clearest skin, a long black and green mane that resembled a similarly colored flame. His golden eyes glowed despite the darkness around him. His black and gold robes were accompanied by an olive green sash, decorated with red beads. The puffs of smoke eminating from him entered Jack's nose, making him remember how to breathe long enough to sneeze. The smoke curled around Jack and pulled him closer to the evil god.

"Jack, is it?" he purred.

The young man, already certain he was going to die, nodded quickly.

"I've been watching you these last few weeks, Jack. I noticed you've fallen behind."

Jack was still tense as a bowstring, but he raised an eyebrow at Hades.

The god continued, "No one wants you." He suddenly cooed, "You are vulnerable. You need protection."

Jack nodded slower. So he understood. Hades grinned, the edges of his mouth turning upwards, his maliciously sharp teeth now exposed. His tongue, forked and black, suddenly slid out, catching the younger male's chin and slathering it wet. Abruptly, Hades crushed his lips against Jack's, kissing him possessively.

Jack could do little more than let out a squeak of protest and only clench his eyes shut. When Hades finally let him go, Jack stared up at him in a different light. He didn't see a monster, an evil demon. He saw a passionate, dominate male, a sexy scoundrel and a beautiful potential lover. He felt a change in his body as well. He felt...stronger and energetic. More powerful, too. When Hades set him down, Jack realized his body had filled out too!

The bones were covered with much stronger, thicker muscle. He now had rounded out biceps, a complete six-pack (an eighth just barely settling against his skin) and the calves of a horse.

"What did you..." Jack breathed, amazed.

Hades grinned, "I have a proposition for you, Jack. I can keep you like this forever, as long as you help me get Zeus out of the way."

"Zeus? But...he's my dad.." Jack protested.

"Going once." Hades said, obviously impatient.

Jack rubbed a now muscular arm, "I just don't...I don't know if I could betray him."

"Going twice." Hades puffed. Jack tugged at his red hair, obviously stressed and weighted down by the god's offer.

"Did I mention life at my side? You will be my eternal lover." Hades interjected.

Jack's face went from dark to light.

He felt a smile grow on his lips. "_Sold._" Hades murmured, leading his new consort into the black abyss of Hell.

* * *

"Hades! You're behind this?!" Zeus roared as the freezing ice, burning lava, sharp winds and crushingly hard rock enveloped his body and trapped him in a prison of horrid pain and discomfort.

Hades let out a horrendous cackle as he flew above the trapped god. He shouted at his army of Titans to stop as he edged closer to Zeus. "Not me, Zeusie." Hades smirked as he whispered.

"Then who?!" Zeus dared to ask. "A hint: you've neglected him from the moment he was born." Hades answered.

Zeus' sudden realization must have shown right through because Hades asked, "Surprised?"

And just then, Jack burst through the clouds and jumped towards his father.

"Hey, pops." He droned.

"Jack, why have you done this!?"The god roared.

"Oh please, pop. I begged you to take me back. You never listened. You just left me here. So I teamed up with Hades. Hope you don't mind us taking over Olympus."

Before Zeus could protest, Jack reached over and with one swift movement of his powerful hands, Zeus' neck was snapped.

"Good riddance." Jack muttered, discarding his father's body, disgusted.

Hades chuckled, gathering his lover in his arms. "Bravo, Jack! Such hatred! Such power! You clearly suit me."

Jack settled his head on Hades' shoulder. "As long as we get to screw around more often. You are a god in bed, you know that?" "Obviously." Hades scoffed, cupping Jack's face in his hands.

Jack muttered, "Let's go pound in more cloud prancers."

Hades smiled. "You are nothing like you're father, Jack." And with that, the two continued to wreak havoc on those of Olympus.

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed that! Reviews, suggestions, comments, all are welcome!**


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